When a child acts out, it’s rarely ‘just’ about the child. In my practice as Marina van Dansik, Parent Coach and Therapist Haarlem, I often work with families where the surface behavior hides a deeper systemic imbalance. A recent case involved a boy labeled disruptive at school. But what we uncovered was more complex: his behavior mirrored his mother’s resistance to the local school culture. It wasn’t about defiance. It was about belonging, family dynamics, and unresolved stress patterns.
In family therapy and systemic work (also known as family constellations), we recognize that behavior is shaped by context. Children often express what the system cannot. Their nervous systems respond not only to immediate parenting but to generational patterns and unspoken loyalties. This aligns with the principles of somatic therapy and trauma-informed coaching: behavior lives in the body, not just the mind.
Before you correct the behavior, pause. Ask: What is this child showing us? What is being expressed through them?
