FAQ

I had a happy childhood, so I don’t think this really applies to me.

Most of us grew up in families that functioned well on the surface, but quietly held cracks beneath. Even when your parents did their very best, not all emotional needs were seen or met. We all carry wounds. No exception.

The fact that you’ve landed here is not random. Something may be stirring, something may feel off or just out of reach. That’s where this work begins.

Why would I dig up the past and reopen old wounds? If I don’t talk about it, my kids won’t be affected by it, right?

We often believe that silence protects. But children sense what you don’t say — and make up their own story, often heavier than the truth.

What you suppress, you unintentionally pass on. Not through words, but through your gaze, your tension, your absence. When you dare to feel and look at what is yours, you create space. Not just within yourself, but in your family. So your children can feel: emotions aren’t dangerous. They’re allowed. And I don’t have to carry them for someone else.

I’m afraid that if I touch my old pain, I’ll get overwhelmed and drag my family into it. When would you advise against doing this kind of work?

It’s important that you have enough internal capacity to do this kind of work. That’s why I always start by strengthening your nervous system – through simple, practical tools you can use outside of our sessions to regulate yourself. It keeps not only you, but also your family, safe. Only when there’s enough calm and inner space, do we go deeper.

If you’re currently in burnout, grief, depression, or right at your edge, the first step is stabilizing, so your body and system can start to feel safe again. From there, we build.

I don’t have time in my busy family life with three young kids. ‘Doing the work’? Seriously?

It’s not really a matter of time, it’s a matter of priorities. Without a certain level of discomfort, there’s usually no movement. And without movement? No change. And that’s okay.

But if something in you feels: this is my path, know that this is exactly what my sessions offer. More lightness, more space, more connection – within yourself and in your family. That’s what I keep hearing from mothers just like you.

My children are already grown. Or teenagers. The damage is done. They're already hurt.

Children – even teenagers and adult children – can deeply sense when something shifts in you. You can’t rewrite the past, but you can acknowledge it. And that alone can be profoundly healing.

In systemic work we say: when you move, the whole field moves with you.
So even if your child is grown, they feel your inner work. Older children still long — often unconsciously — for grounding and genuine connection. For a parent who says: “I see now what I couldn’t see before.”

I once worked with a woman of 75 who came to heal the mother–daughter relationship.
She wanted to break the generational pattern – for her daughter, her granddaughter, and for herself. Because it’s never too late to heal what has always been waiting to be seen.

I don’t want to blame my parents. They did their best.

I believe you. This work isn’t about blame. It’s about autonomy. About taking ownership of your life and honoring the needs that may not have been met, even if unintentionally.

Your parents gave you the greatest gift: your life. And because of that, you owe it to yourself to live it fully.
When you heal, the ripple carries both forward and back – for your parents, and for the generations that follow.

I feel guilty when I choose myself.

Without the willingness to feel through guilt and shame, true autonomy isn’t possible – and that’s one of our deepest human needs.
You don’t have to choose between yourself and others. In systemic work we see: when you start taking better care of yourself, the whole system begins to relax. Children, partners, colleagues – they feel it when you come home to yourself.

Often, that guilt doesn’t belong to your adult self, but to the child in you who once learned: “If I choose myself, I’ll lose connection.” But now, you’re allowed to choose differently.

I’m too old to change.

I once worked with a 75-year-old woman who came to heal the mother–daughter relationship. She wanted to break a pattern passed down through generations – from her mother, to herself, to her daughter and granddaughter.

Because it’s never too late to heal what has spent a lifetime waiting to be seen.
Change doesn’t require age – only courage.

I’m afraid it will be too confronting.

I get that. People often call it confronting, but my clients usually describe it as clarifying, softening, even liberating.

There’s no forcing here. We move at the pace of your system. Gently where needed, firmly where it’s safe.

What are the symptoms of inherited patterns or intergenerational trauma?

This can show up as feelings of emptiness, sadness, anxiety, difficulty setting boundaries, chronic people-pleasing, or constantly sidelining yourself.

A common sign is parentification – when the child takes emotional care of the parent, instead of the other way around. You end up living from adaptation, not from your true self – and that becomes exhausting over time.

I’ve already had therapy. Why would this be any different?

Because you are different now.

We grow in layers. At each point in life, you meet exactly what’s ready to be seen.
Every therapist, every experience, brings you one step further. And you’re here now because something in you knows: you’re ready for the next level.

This is a big investment in myself. I’m not sure I want to spend that much.

I understand. This is an investment – of time, money, and energy. But not a surface-level one. It’s about breaking generational patterns and giving yourself space to truly live, not just survive.

Good to know: many employers cover this kind of coaching through their professional development budgets. And starting Q2 2026, part of my work will be reimbursed through supplementary health insurance.

If this feels like your moment, I’m happy to explore what’s possible. Payment plans are available upon request.

In-person therapy takes time—and I barely have any as it is. Why can’t this be done online?

Many of my clients thought in-person sessions wouldn’t be doable. And yet, they all ended up choosing offline – consciously.

It’s a gift to yourself: carving out time for what truly matters, in a space that nourishes.
At Stories in Haarlem, I don’t just work with words – I work with your body.

Offline, I can hold you – literally and metaphorically – especially in the places where it gets tender. But the choice is always yours. Online is possible too. Just… give offline a chance.

How do I know you’re the right guide for me? There are so many coaches and therapists out there.

That’s a great question and only you can feel if it’s a fit. That’s why I offer a free intake call, which you can book here on Calendly

What I offer isn’t theory from a textbook. It’s lived experience – what I call experiential professionalism.
I’m a certified NOBCO coach and a student member of the professional association NVPA. From Q2 2026, I’ll be fully registered and partially reimbursed through Dutch supplementary insurance.

I don’t know if I can stick with long-term therapy.

I understand – and that’s exactly why I don’t work with endless therapy tracks.
My guidance is compact, focused, and tailored to what you need.

You can choose a 3+1, 6+1 or 9+1 session path. That “+1” is a free integration session – to anchor what you’ve learned and celebrate the shifts you’ve made.

Each journey has a clear starting point, a grounded intention, and a tangible sense of closure.

I have a demanding job. How on earth am I supposed to fit therapy into that?

Especially when your schedule is packed, it’s essential to create space for you.
Not as an extra to-do, but as a moment to breathe.

Many of my clients are high-achieving, highly educated professionals.
We plan in a way that’s realistic and flexible. It’s not about how often – it’s about the depth of what you do allow yourself to face.

And honestly? Pushing through on empty will cost you more in the long run than the time you choose to claim now.

I’m already in therapy. Can I do this on the side?

In most cases, I don’t recommend combining this work with another intensive form of (talk) therapy. It can overwhelm your system instead of supporting it.

What does combine well are body-based approaches – like haptonomy, massage, or sound therapy – as long as they help you drop deeper into your body.

Not sure? Feel free to book a call here and we can explore it together.

My child is struggling. Is this work suitable for children too?

No, I’m not a child coach or child therapist. My work is focused on you as the parent.

What I do offer are insights and tools to help you understand your child better, restore connection, and support them in their own process.
From a systemic perspective: when the parent shifts, the child often follows. Your inner work may be the greatest gift you can give them.

What does it mean to work on identity level?

Working on identity level means going beyond your behavior, context or skillset — into the deeper layers of who you believe yourself to be.

We explore the beliefs you’ve formed early in life or inherited from your family system:
“I have to be strong,” “I have to be perfect to be loved,” “I must be the best,” and so on.

Once you start recognizing those old identity layers, you get to choose: What do I want to believe about myself instead?

What is intergenerational trauma? How do I know if it applies to me and can it really be healed?

Intergenerational trauma arises when pain and beliefs from previous generations are unconsciously passed down – through silence, tension, or patterns that don’t quite make sense.

In therapy, we explore: Who am I, apart from what I’ve inherited? What is truly mine – and what might I be carrying for my family system?

If your parents are still alive, we sometimes work toward a conversation with them. Not to point fingers, but to listen. Recognition is healing.

And yes, intergenerational trauma can be healed – layer by layer.