When nature and nurture collide in parenting
Some parts of parenthood catch you off guard.
The rage. The helplessness. The urge to flee or the need to control everything.
And then comes the thought: “He’s just wired that way.” Or: “I must have picked this up from my own childhood.”
But what if it’s not one or the other?
What if your child’s temperament – their sensitivity, their nature – is constantly interacting with your nervous system, attachment history, and ways of relating? That’s where nature and nurture collide.
When sensitivity meets survival
Take a highly sensitive child. That’s nature.
Now imagine that sensitivity being overlooked, dismissed, or misunderstood. The child adapts. Not to thrive, but to survive. They become quiet. Polite. Conflict-avoidant. They work to keep the peace.
That’s not just personality. That’s the fawn response -a trauma response often missed in parenting and therapy. It’s a nervous system strategy. A way to stay safe when fight, flight, or freeze aren’t possible. It’s how many children unconsciously preserve attachment, even when the environment feels emotionally unsafe.
What we don’t recognize, we tend to repeat
This is where trauma-informed parenting and somatic therapy begin their work:
Not with behavior, but with the deeper patterns underneath.
Ask yourself:
- What did you have to adapt to as a child?
- Where did you shape-shift to stay safe?
- Whose needs took center stage, while yours quietly stepped aside?
These are the questions I explore with clients in inner child therapy, family constellations, and nervous system coaching. Because many of us weren’t just “easy children.” We were highly attuned children in high-demand environments.
Reclaiming your truth and theirs
In my work as Marina van Dansik, Parent Coach and Therapist Haarlem, I support parents and professionals in seeing what lives underneath. Not by trying harder. But by looking softer. At your story. Your patterns. And the emotional legacy you carry. We all pass something on. But we also get to choose: what ends with us, and what flows forward with love and awareness.
Do you recognize the fawn response?
In yourself? In your child?
Let’s explore it together. Book a free intro call or send me a message. I’m here to listen.