Keep reading. What I’m about to say rarely gets spoken out loud, yet it lives in so many parents.
Exactly one year ago, I hit a wall. My system was in constant overdrive, even though I wasn’t working night shifts or pulling 12-hour days in an ICU.
I had a family. A job. A mission to get everything perfect. And I was completely burned out.
Under the guise of work and supervision, I left for five weeks to Portugal. The clinic is called Be-Leef I Center for Eating Disorders – an intensive treatment facility for people struggling with disordered eating. Officially, I was joining as part of the treatment team.
But that wasn’t the whole story.
My mother flew in from Russia. My husband and our nanny drew up a weekly schedule. Everyone pitched in to lovingly care for the kids.
And me?
I ran.
Away from caregiving. Away from multitasking. Away from the constant tugging on my body, my brain, my attention.
I had a cottage all to myself. Surrounded only by adults. No toys on the floor. No mama-mama-mama. No tomato sauce and spaghetti on freshly washed pajamas (yes, we shower them before dinner – I know, not ideal). No tense evenings where everyone still needed to be fed, cleaned, and connected.
And honestly?
It was blissful. But it also hurt. Because what did it mean that I didn’t want to be with my family anymore? Did it make me a bad mother? Was I not made for this life? Or… was it simply my nervous system crying out for help?
I see it all the time in my practice:
Parents who forget themselves. Who are beyond exhausted but keep pushing through. Who judge themselves instead of offering understanding.
We call it parental burn-out, but really, it’s relational overload without recovery.
At Nurture Next, I work with parents offline, in 90-minute sessions. Not to fix or perform. But to slow down. To land. To breathe again. To step out of survival mode. To feel. And to choose again – for yourself and your child.
Because you know what the greatest gift to your child truly is?
A parent who dares to say, “This is too much for me.” And who learns to do things differently – becoming a living example of resilience and truth.
Does any of this resonate with you?
You’re welcome. Just as you are.
At my practice, Nurture Next, in Haarlem.
Marina van Dansik – Parent Coach and Therapist
