Entrepreneurship as a Mirror – How Old Patterns Still Run the Show
I’m scared.
Scared it won’t take off.
Scared it’ll flop.
To avoid feeling this, I run.
I fight.
I plan everything.
Then collapse.
Then get back up… and run again.
The irony?
As a trauma-informed therapist, I know exactly what’s happening. I understand this pattern inside out. And still – I repeat it.
The tension in my body becomes unbearable. My gift becomes a burden. My nervous system hijacks the moment.
Scarcity, speed, and survival: the origin story
I was born in the former Soviet Union – into a world of scarcity. Not just materially (food, housing, clothing), but emotionally and energetically. Everything revolved around not enough. If you wanted food, you had to rush. If you wanted recognition, you had to outperform. Rest was weakness. Mistakes were unsafe. As the oldest child of a perfectionist father, I learned early:
Be perfect. Be fast. Be quiet. Never fail.
So I became hypervigilant. Controlling. Over-functioning. A classic trauma response -wired into my nervous system for survival.
And then: I became an entrepreneur
Years later, as a self-employed coach, therapist in Haarlem and founder of Nurture Next, I found myself right back in that survival state.
The freedom and uncertainty of entrepreneurship reawakened my oldest patterns:
- Fight-or-flight
- Hyper-focus
- Performance over presence
- Collapse from overwhelm
I blamed myself. “You know this already. You teach this.” Until I remembered: awareness isn’t enough. It has to land in the body. Polyvagal Theory changed how I saw myself.
According to Polyvagal Theory, our nervous system responds to stress in three ways:
- Sympathetic (fight/flight) – urgency, perfectionism, over-control
- Dorsal vagus (freeze/shutdown) – exhaustion, withdrawal
- Ventral vagus (safe/social) – connection, presence, creativity
I live in the sympathetic zone – not by choice, but by programming. My nervous system isn’t broken. It’s trying to protect me.
Through somatic therapy and nervous system work, I started retraining it:
- Co-regulation with my partner
- Breathwork and grounding
- Slowing down to feel safe in stillness
Little by little, my Window of Tolerance widened.
I’m not just doing this for me
This work is generational. I want my children to know:
- They are enough
- They don’t have to rush
- Mistakes are part of growth
- Their worth isn’t tied to performance
That’s why I founded Nurture Next – a place where parents and parents-to-be can come home to themselves. To unlearn what no longer serves. To break free from childhood trauma patterns. To build a regulated nervous system, not just for survival, but for joy.
Because every pattern we shift…
Becomes a gift to our children.
Curious how your nervous system may still be running the show? Let’s talk. I offer in-person and online sessions and trauma-informed support in Haarlem and beyond.
Marina van Dansik – Parent Coach and Therapist Haarlem
Specialised in somatic therapy, voice dialog, family constellations, and breaking cycles.