There’s usually something old underneath it
Your child spills water. Argues about screen time. Refuses to put on their shoes. And suddenly – You yell. You storm off. You feel guilty. Or ashamed. Or totally overwhelmed.
Ever had that moment where you think: “Why did I react like that? That wasn’t even a big deal…” That’s often a sign that you’re not actually responding to your child,
but to something older that just got triggered.
Parenting with old pain in the room
What’s happening?
Your child touches something unconscious:
- A childhood wound
- A frozen feeling you weren’t allowed to express
- A belief you still carry (like: “I’m too much”, “I’m not enough”, “I always mess it up”)
In that moment, your nervous system doesn’t just feel the now, it feels the then.
The past floods into the present. And suddenly, your inner child is driving the car.
This is where inner child therapy, nervous system regulation, and trauma-informed parenting come in.
You’re not broken - you’re responding from old wiring
And that’s not your fault. Your body is doing what it learned to do. But awareness gives you a choice.
Want examples? I made you something
I created a carousel in Canva that walks you through 10 real-life parenting situations:
- Everyday triggers
- Unconscious patterns
- Growth opportunities
Moments like:
- “Why am I furious about socks on the floor?”
- “Why do I shut down when my child cries?”
- “Why does whining make me panic inside?”
Because naming the pattern is the beginning of healing.
Not to blame yourself. But to breathe. To pause. To choose a new response. To break the cycle.
Want to receive the carousel?
DM me and I’ll send it to you.
Because the more self-awareness we bring into parenting, the more freedom we create for the next generation.
Marina van Dansik – Parent Coach and Therapist Haarlem. Supporting parents in healing through somatic therapy, inner child work, family constellations, and trauma-informed, nervous-system-based parenting support.